Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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