If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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