Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
