its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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