he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
