I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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