barbara walters just said penis...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
