then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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