At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
