Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
