Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
