just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
