shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
