i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
