we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
