dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
