hotel room ftw
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
