3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
