This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
