found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
