Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
