I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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