Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
