Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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