I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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