U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
third nipple confirmed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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