i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
