I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
