Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
