I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
