remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
