She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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