he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize