I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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