I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As shirtless as possible
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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