this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
