Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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