i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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