I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize