I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
