just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
