she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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