I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
