***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
