I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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