my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
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you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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