thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
