My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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