i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
