Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
