I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
