I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
