i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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