I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i will never coherently bang her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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