Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
only you would photoshop your dick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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