between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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