I cannot find my penis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My penis needs a shock collar
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize