Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
