God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
