i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
