he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
