I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
