trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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