Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
