Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
