I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
