do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
