I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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